38 weeks...Mama Bear has arrived.

Here we are at 38 weeks!  It's getting so close now.  We had our appointment on Friday and the ultrasound to see just how big my little girl is.  Looks like their estimate is that she is 8 lbs 4 oz.  Go ahead, gasp, that's what pretty much everybody has done when I told them.  Doesn't help my anxiety at all, but it is what it is.  It made me feel a little better when I was talking with another mommy in the waiting room  who told me that with her two year old, they told her she was going to be about 9 lbs and she came out 7 something.  So there is still hope!!  They also told me that if she stays in there until her due date she could gain up to another pound so while a 9 lbs 4 oz baby is not really what I was hoping to have to push out, it could be worse....right?!?

So other than that we didn't get too much more information right now besides the fact that she is healthy and she still has enough fluid around her.  I didn't see my doctor at this appointment which is why we didn't really discuss any real options.  The doctor I saw wanted me to come back in a week to actually see my doctor and discuss the results of the ultrasound and the best plan of action.  Unfortunately, the nurse or receptionist, or whatever she was, that was at the front desk scheduling my next appointment, was really getting on my nerves.  She is not the usual two ladies I deal with and she seemed a bit flustered.  She ended up telling me I couldn't get a time slot for both my doctor and the ultrasound tech at the same time until the 18th!!  So that is when she scheduled me.  I told her that was only 4 days away from my due date and I thought that was a little to late, but she said that was all she could do.  So I accepted my appointment and left feeling disappointed and slightly concerned I wouldn't be getting in to see my doctor this week.

I headed home and just didn't feel right.  I felt depressed and ended up falling asleep on the couch until Nick got home.  Then Saturday rolled around and as I tried to go through all the bottles and pacifiers we had received getting ready to wash them, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety came over me and I just started to cry.  I felt like there was just too much to get done before she gets here and I think that subconsciously I was still upset I wasn't going to see my doctor in my 39th week of pregnancy.  I finally got control of myself and managed to cross off a few chores that were on my to do list.

Sunday was much better emotionally.  I was motivated and felt pretty good so we managed to get a ton of stuff done.  I'm pretty sure I was the definition of nesting this weekend.  We cleaned everything!  Mopping floors, washing windows, cleaning toilets, doing laundry.  I was surprised how much we were able to accomplish without me getting exhausted.  I haven't felt that much energy in a long time.  It was nice.

By the time I got to work today I had the usual check in from my co-workers to see how I was feeling and looking to see what the doctor said at my last appointment.  Once I told them about the fiasco of scheduling my next appointment they had the same reaction I did to not getting in this week.  One of my co-workers told me this was my mommy instinct kicking in and I needed to call my doctor's office and tell them they need to fit me in this week b/c I am supposed to see my doctor every week and waiting until next week just wasn't going to work for me.  I'm kinda glad she told me that b/c I need to start trusting my gut more.  I knew it wasn't right, but I still felt like the doctor's office would know best.  Not always the case.  So I called and told them I needed to get in this week b/c that is what the doctor's intentions were and waiting until the 18th was just unacceptable at this point.  And what do you know...I got my appointment for this Thursday!

So my biggest lesson learned this week is to trust myself.  I don't know everything about being a great mom, but if I can learn to trust my instincts I'm sure I'll do just fine.  And on top of trusting my instincts, I have to learn to speak up and say something.  I'm no longer just speaking for myself, I'm speaking for my daughter too so the stakes are higher.  I'll have to keep all this in mind and we get closer to delivery and for future doctor's appointments.  Look out world, Mama Bear is coming for you!!!